Last night I had a dream about Britni. I very rarely dream about Britni anymore which I have taken to be a good thing. I think it means that I have made my peace with her death and that I am emotionally well adjusted. When I was grieving her loss I did dream about her and in those dreams she was always comforting me.
Last night’s dream was markedly different: it was me who was comforting/helping her. In my dream I was healthy and strong. She was in hospice and I came to help. At one point I started directing some nurses and people started making comments about my “take charge” demeanor in a positive way. I laughed it off and made some comment about being from NY.
I only saw her briefly. She was lying down on a bed looking very sick and asleep. The last time I saw her in my dream she looked completely healthy with her long, gorgeous auburn locks. I’m not sure why last night I had this dream or what it means. Saturday I had a training for the American Cancer Society that lasted all day and was very positive and then I saw my parents. Sunday I watched the walking dead finale and fell fast asleep.
Overall I think it is interesting that in this dream I was healthy and vibrant. I don’t think I’ve had a dream where I was as healthy or strong. I think it’s progress that I’m starting to unconsciously see myself like this. I’ve been feeling strong lately and take great pride in my volunteer service with ACS (American Cancer Society).
Even though I may not talk about her quite as much anymore, she is definitely still in my heart. She is one of the primary, driving forces for my volunteerism and knowing her changed me forever. She taught me valuable lessons and I miss her.
I’ll see you again sometime Brit.